I'm back in *it*. Oh yes I am. What excitement! I was referred to the mental health team (i.e. a barmy!doctor) this morning. My medical notes now contain the immortal words "patient denies depression." Haha. I anticipate making it very clear that I am not experiencing symptoms of bipolar disorder (please - I'm more normal than the vast majority of the population, at the moment) and get them to certify me as sane. It might help with getting better treatment. I don't believe anything can be done about my anxiety, thanks to not being able to up my dose of antidepressants - but if seeing someone from the 'team' will help useless!doc to feel better about it all, then I'm fine with that. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm manic. I shall enjoy proving him wrongwrongwrong.
Nonetheless, I have had a hell of a few days. Extreme, utterly irrational levels of anxiety have led me to become familiar with most of the floors in our flat, and to do a lot of throwing (my mobile phone survived it, miraculously). Around this irrational behaviour I have managed to fit twenty-four straight hours of obsessive thinking (which is much less interesting than it sounds) and about ten hours of letter-writing, information-gathering and viewpoint-challenging. God bless OCD: if nothing else, it makes me get things done. I'm screaming 'discrimination' at my local council (who have become the most pressing problem, recently) with regards to care, or the lack of it. We shall see how that goes.
Normal service of proper, thoughtful, issue-based, spell-checked posting will resume as soon as my brain crawls out of the hole it's dug itself into. I look forward to it.
3 comments:
Oh dear... sounds like you having rough time of it. But please don't worry about the proper, thoughtful, issue-based, spell-checked postings. When you sound off, it makes me feel as though I can. And as much as I take your point about needing to present as un-mad to get medical help, I think the social concept of sanity is generally overrated....
Oh my god, I just had a minor 'bounce around in my chair' moment. I was all ready to leave a comment about the suckiness of 'the system', mental illness and throwing things when I noticed stuff about ME/CFS in your links. Cue bouncing. I have ME as well (diagnosed about two years ago) and I actually want to punch the air and shout "YES!" because I've just read your previous blog entry too. Fuck, it's AMAZING to run into someone else who's dealing with this stuff and isn't a pathetic whiney little victim.
All the stuff with the government...being sick enough to not work but not quite sick enough to get any financial assistance...that fucking sucks. And as for the NHS...grrr! I won't start getting into it here but I couldn't resist saying hello.
I'll be back. Lots of times :-)
Tanya: Hello! Great to 'meet' you. Always good to find other people who can relate. Do come back often!
Joy Cheers mate. :)
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