Buzzy Brain

I am having many thoughts about many things today.

I've been considering, among a lot of other things, the interesting effects of Fibromyalgia on my (already-screwed) brain chemicals. One of these is that, when I'm not completely exhausted, my thinking sometimes starts 'going' at three times the speed it normally does. Granted, it flip-flops from one incoherent thought to the next and I have no way of organising or managing any of the directions in which it moves... But, when it's not sending me batty or giving me panic attacks, it can almost be quite nice. It's completely different from the nasty ways my brain can speed up in hypomania, although I can't be clear about how. (Um... I mostly shared that to explain why the following entry may be a bit disjointed. However, I seem to have started the utter rambling incoherence already. OK then. I promise to go and have a nice cup of tea and a sit down and some lovely medication in a minute.)

So, here we go: Thoughts - Three Good and Three Bad...

Three Good

1. I had a truly lovely morning today. In conjunction with my fantastic counsellor (I much prefer that term to 'therapist', since the latter label sounds a bit creepy and reminds me of When I Was Officially Crazy), I am working on ways to be more active and 'push' myself a bit more. Not necessarily overdoing things physically - but getting out more in the wheelchair, or going places with a taxi number in my pocket, or just trying out a few things that I might have said 'no' to, for fear of fatigue etc, before. So today I went out for breakfast with The Girl before she went off to uni. Then I got in the chair, trundled (trundle trundle trundle) up to the big central library, had a cuppa in their cafe, did a bit of exploring there, went home via the shops where I stopped off for a couple of things that I needed, and got in the door just in time to see my battery light flashing to indicate that it was about to die. Now that's impressive.

2. The Girl's walk is progressing. As yet, we have not had many donations (so get giving, people!), but I managed to update the Great London Trek blog at the weekend, and I'll be sending out a LOT of e-mails about it shortly for people who might be willing to help us get sponsorship. So, we're getting somewhere! The Girl is going to spend the Easter weekend training. Which is proof that an uber-religious Christian and a non-practising Jew can co-exist perfectly peacefully during Holy Week. I'll be off hanging out with God a lot for the next five days or so (I'm excited - I've never done Holy Week in a really high church before). In turn, The Girl will worship at the temple of physical fitness and her own body good works and charitable causes. It's all good. ;)

3. The aforementioned Girl is Home. This is hugely exciting. a) It's all so much easier when she's around; b) those bloody people who kept coming into my home and complaining and criticising were driving me even more bonkers than I already am; c) I luvs her yes I does. *serious nod*

Three Bad

1. The waitress in the cafe who patted me on the shoulder rather patronisingly, after asking me if I needed help (when I was only waiting in the bloody queue for goodness sake) is going on my List. (Which, just to make this clear, is not a good thing.) Yes.

2. I can't decide whether to complain about The Carers. They were getting on my nerves so much that I ended up cancelling them yesterday, and putting up with being un-showered and un-properly-fed. (And was all the more cheerful for it.) On the one hand, I am the type that believes that complaints are a very good thing, since nothing changes without political action - which can be very small-scale. However, as someone very sensible and knowledgeable recently pointed out to me (hi Joy! *grin*), kicking up a fuss at this stage of my 'care package process' could be viewed negatively by the Council, especially as they haven't agreed to give me any care hours yet. Talking of which, I should find out about that very soon... So maybe I'll wait and see just now, and talk to the agency about it if I have to use them again. Which will only happen entirely against my will, of course. Gah.

3. I was very excited about the signing of the UN Convention on the Rights of Persons With Disabilities (even though that phrasing isn't very social model - tee hee). So when this was posted at the livejournal 'no_pity' community for disabled people, I was shocked and quite disappointed. It arrived in quite a timely fashion, too, since I was discussing Americans' attitudes to disability with American friend Penelope at the time. It's interesting to compare general attitudes in the US with general attitudes over here. I wouldn't imagine that there's a particularly big difference, since even though there's a fair bit of 'awareness' here, that doesn't always (or, often) translate into real equality. I would need to live in the US as a disabled person to make a real judgement, though. When I lived there when I was 18, I didn't know I was bipolar, and it wasn't interfering with my work, so I had no opportunity to judge. And I've never been there with a physical impairment. But, that the US didn't even send a representative, much less sign up to the Convention, is a cause for worry. Not a surprise, but a worry. Hmm.

There is so much more going on my buzzy little head... but I think that's all for now. Stay tuned for future editions, in which lilwatchergirl will pontificate on such diverse subjects as the Social Model, the joys of car parking, and the question of why West Hampstead only has about three accessible shops with only one of those being a cafe that serves breakfast that is remotely good. For now, I remain your faithful and affectionate servant, etcetera.