Sunday, January 14, 2007

P365 Day Twelve - My Desk, and My Life

Today's photo features the peel from an orange I just ate, my new Logitech mouse which has turned websurfing into an exciting and completely pain-free experience, and the pile of books that is making me feel nostalgic for work. Hmm. You can also see a painting that my sister did for me, my overflowing bin and, if you look closely, The Plan up on my wall. I'm getting through it. Achieved: new GP found, applications made for benefits (half-done, more left to apply for), notice handed in at work, The Girl has requested a carer's assessment from social services, I'm on better pain medication and referrals to specialists are forthcoming.

I meant to take a picture of my church today. I really do leave the house occasionally, but I always forget to take pictures (mostly I'm too busy adjusting to the scary outdoorsiness and putting one foot in front of the other). I did one thing yesterday - met with YLGC people for coffee - and one thing today - church followed by lunch with a couple of churchy-type people. Each time, I got incredibly tired out. I also feel very dull and slow because of brain fog, so I think that, for now, I need to stick to socialising with people who know me really well and won't look at me like I'm crazy when I have to ask them to open my can of diet coke for me because my hands won't work.

I have been feeling really down recently. Not just anxious - more 'life is shit'-type down. Which is better than real clinical depression, but also isn't much fun. I'm worried about how long I'm going to be ill, as well as about whether my life has any purpose if it involves nothing more than watching TV, chatting online and occasionally reading when my brain can cope with that. I have built my life, goals and ambitions around my career. What do you do when that's gone, at least for the time being? Who am I now?

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