Monday, January 15, 2007

Tough Day

No picture today. Haven't had the energy. Today has been a difficult one, in various ways. I've been suffering from the unremitting, painfully loud building noise that's been coming from next door's garden for the past six weeks - we're trying to work out possible solutions to that, but in the meantime it has made me anxious as hell today. Every time I started to relax, the noise started up... One of the fun minor issues with this illness is serious noise intolerance - it makes me want to kill people, or at least myself. Nice. Ended up walking to the high street despite being in a lot of pain, because I had to get out of the house. Sat in a cafe and felt a bit folorn over cheesecake.

Then I've been freezing cold all day, but a hot bath made my muscles painfully twitchy. I was too tired even to get dressed until 2pm. Of course, this made me feel horrendously lazy and I spent half the day doing my "you're fine, you silly bitch" routine to myself. I spend a fair amount of my time thinking I'm making this up. And then I do something, or walk somewhere, and the pain and other weird symptoms take over again and I realise that I should be taking myself a little bit more seriously.

I've been talking to The Girl about maybe trying to find a counsellor who knows about long term illness. I am tired, depressed, frustrated and unhappy, and I need to be bothering someone other than The Girl about this. I don't know how to go about finding someone like this, of course. Anyone reading this who has any ideas, do leave a comment!

Might as well go to bed now.



Carys (aka ~Cats) said...

*fierce hugs*

when you take baths, do you put epsom salts (mag sulfate?) in the water? that helps my muscles a LOT when they are twitchy. also, do you have a filter so you are not sitting in water with clorine or cloramine? they are both hard on bodies with cfs/fibro/etc. in california we got a shower filter that gets it out adn i used that to fill the tub, too. it made a HUGE difference. HUGE!!!

the stuff you are feeling, like you must be making it up and the depression, they are very normal and yes a therp that specialized in cronic illness and invisable illness will probly help a lot. specially when it is something with no easy fix it is important to learn copings and have soembody to vent with and teach you more ways of coping/accomodating.

hughughug from boo

Anonymous said...

I know a therapist who's currently looking for clients to build up a private practice.

I don't know if she has vast amounts of counselling clients with long term health problems, but, it's something she has personal experience of - she has fibromyalgia.

Naomi J. said...

Lisy - she sounds interesting. Would you e-mail me with her details? I don't know if I could afford her, but it would worth looking into. Thanks!

boo - the epsom salts idea is a good one. I'll look for them. Thanks! I'll try to find out about the shower filter, too. :)